Achey Breaky Ears

Because of my hip surgery, I had not seen Savannah in a month. I managed to pick her up a day early for our weekend together, and told her that we would do some extra things since we had some extra time. I always feel obligated to reward her good report cards, too.

Friday night we saw a movie, like we always do, but I thought I would surprise her Saturday with something we had not talked about. Since the tickets for the recent Hannah Montana concert run about as much as my monthly mortgage payment, I opted for the less expensive option of taking her to see the 3-D movie of the concert.

It was an experience not unlike ones first car accident. It left me stunned and badly in need of a glass of wine or a sedative. We arrived early enough (40 minutes) that we didn’t have to stand in line very long. At the ticket window, I said, “One adult and one child for Hannah Montana”. The girl behind the glass stared blankly at me and said, “$30.00″. 

I had forgotten that the IMAX 3-D movies were $15.00 a head. $5.00 for a slushie and we were then corralled at one end of the lobby with all the other 6-12 year old girls.

Once in the theatre, I noticed there were very few mothers. You know you are in for trouble when the mothers are absent. My experience is that when there are more fathers present than mothers in an activity involving children it only means two things: it holds tremendous potential for unpleasantness or it could be dangerous. That is why fathers wield the fireworks, go camping & bike riding or show the kids the power tools in the garage. It is also why we end up behind the wheel of a long roadtrip with the kids, go to the State Fair or end up at the Hannah Montana concert or movie.

The lights dimmed a bit and we watched the trailers for the upcoming kid movies. And then it happened. Louder than a tornado, matched with the shrillness of a locomotive braking to a halt, the squealing began. Two hundred girls did what only girls can do…that high-pitched whistling scream. One girl starts it and instantaneously the rest fall in with her. And when they aren’t screaming, the girls on the screen are.

When the lights came back up and the credits rolled, every father in the theatre looked shell-shocked, and every little girl was hopped up on sugar-filled slushies, their little bladders ready to burst. By the time we made it to the lobby, there was a line snaking out of the bathroom, and the crescendo emanating from the women’s room was deafening.

I looked at Savannah and said, “Clench until we get to Some Guys.” I drove 34 blocks in 10 minutes, and was able to have half a glass of wine while I waited on her. July 4th and the State Fair can’t come soon enough.

~ by travelingwithcharley on February 22, 2008.